• Zuhri

On Being Alone

One of the biggest life lessons, better yet, life adventures that we all need to learn is :

How to be alone.

Being alone is essential to be human and yet it is incredibly difficult for us to learn. I think this is because evolutionary we are social creatures. Yet as social as we are, modern society creates the conditions in which for us to spend some amounts of time alone. Even Though this is an essential life lesson facilitated by modern society, it seems like most people (based on my observations at least), don’t know how to be on their own.

Not learning this lesson when it is presented as well as not allowing the space to cultivate this experience, turns into a fear. A fear that only grows as time goes on as the lesson continues to go unlearned. This fear of being alone can become so cripping for people that they hang onto people that they shouldn’t or rush into relationships that they shouldn't just to not be on their own. (This isn’t just romantic relationships. Platonic and friend relationships also fit into this category.)

This rushing into other situationships to not be alone is incredibly dangerous! By forcing people into our lives who shouldn’t be there, only causes chaos and strife, that wouldn't be there if the ability to let go was there and be alone was there. In addition to the chaos and strife, it causes distress and distrust that will become the baggage that you bring onto the meaningful people in your life. All of this is due to not wanting to be alone.

Not wanting to be alone, can cause struggle and strife on those who have been there for you as well, especially in terms of jumping from romantic relationship to romantic relationship. (Haven’t we all been there supporting a friend through a bad relationship, because of a break up and instead of taking a break they just jumped into something with someone else.) This then causes stress points on the friendship or platonic or even familial relationships. (but this is a post for another day.)

With all of that being said with all of the emotions involved, the best way that we can protect ourselves is by taking the time to learn about how to be with ourselves. Taking the time to be alone, helps us to become more self-assured, more understanding, and can help give us clarity to truly be able to focus on what we want out of life. It also is a buffer towards emotional turmoil and upheaval, and a preserver of our relationships with friends and family who are more stable fixtures versus those who are just passing through.

At the end of the day, there is beauty in spending time alone, and in the ability to do this correctly is a skill that must be cultivated. While it is a skill that must be cultivated, we must allow space within our lives to embrace the periods of alone before we can cultivate this skill. Therefore learning to be alone and leaving the space for it, is the greatest gift that we can ever give ourselves.

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