As 2019 draws to a close and as 2020 begins knocking on the door, I've been thinking a lot about the emotions, thought patterns, habits, and people that I have been carrying around into my life year after year, that have no place and do not need to be carried into my 2020 and my new decade.
In a previous post, I give a quick list of things to let go of for 2020, which you can find here but for this post I wanted to talk a little bit about focusing and finding out what those lingering things are for you and gives a process for letting them go.
So here are my 6 steps that dive deeper into finding out what is lingering in your life, and a process for finally letting them go
1. As always in order to make any change, is to know what you have to change.
Therefore the first step is to take the time for some dedicated self-reflection time. Ask yourself what emotions, people thought patterns, habits, places, etc are recurring in your life. What dominates your thoughts, your dreams. Where does your mind go when you are bored? The answers to these types of questions give will show you the stuff that you need to focus on and find out the roles in which they are playing in your life. Good or bad.
2. Know the stuff you are working with
Once you know the stuff that you are working with. Now its time to figure out what role they are playing in your life, why are they sticking around, and if you are ready to let it go, need to let it go, or are going to keep it within you. This can be a hard process, especially if you are holding onto people. Letting someone out of your life literally, or even letting the memory of them go can be a hard process that can revel other feelings that surround that person but still, the work may need to be done.
3. Know the role
Once you know what you are working with, know the role that it's playing in your life, and you determine that it is something that you have to or need to let go of, the next step is to go through a letting go ritual or process. For example, if you have heard of Marie Condo, when she organizes and gets rid of something her advice is to thank the item for what it has represented and what it has meant to you. The same thing applies here. You can thank the thing, you can write a letter to it you can meditate on it, you can drop it cold turkey. Whatever you think is the best way to let go of the stuff, is what you should do with it, that's that and this can look different for everyone.
4. Create new
An old habit takes about 21 days to break, and for a new one to take its place. That means as soon as you are done with your goodbye ritual for the thing, it's time to replace that with a new thing that you already have lined up. This can take some time as well, as you may not know right away what you want to replace that old thing with but it is an incredibly important step so you don't slide into these familiar lingering things and then they begin to linger into 2020 and beyond. For example, instead of thinking about an ex, when you feel thoughts of the ex creeping up you can choose to think about yourself or your future instead.
5. Give time.
It may take more time to be able to completely let some things go than other things, and that's okay. You have to give yourself a reasonable amount of time to let go of the thing that is lingering. In an ideal scenario, the thing that is lingering will be a forgotten thing, and if or when it pops up you would have more of an "oh" moment. But if time is needed set a timeline for yourself of when you want the thing to be let go of by, and check-in with yourself once this allotted time is up, and see where you are at. Is the thing still lingering? Its time to check in on why it is and give yourself some time to reflect on that. For this step, make sure you give yourself a decent amount of time.
6. Enjoy your change.
Simply put, enjoy your change. Enjoy the fact that you have let something go that may have been lingering for years and years. Enjoy the freedom that your mind, emotions, and spirt now may feel. Enjoy the difference.