The other day I was talking with a friend. As conversations tend to go for girls of all ages, but as I am finding is even more so true, in the mid-late twenties stage when everyone is paring off and weddings are happening every weekend, turned to relationships. The friend that I am talking about is experiencing a period of singleness as well, but there were a few things that stood out to me from that conversation and acted as the source of inspiration for this post.
What struck me was home much of her self esteem, self-worth, and even daily confidence depended on the attention of men. Literally, any man. The other being the way that she hung onto this one date and a few conversations she had with an ain't shit guy, a year ago. And she was asking me for advice. Asking me how I became so comfortable with my self as I am. With not receiving attention on a daily basis, and why I am so comfortable within my period of singleness after my breakup. The language she used around my break up, made it sound like it was fresh when we are going into three years here for me. And I wondered if for her the ain't shit guy, was playing over and over for her like it was yesterday, and not a year ago. And as I tried to give her answers, I felt bad for her. It became clear that most of her issues had come from not having standards within her life. This flashed me back to a conversation that I had with a client, I told this client that it was okay to have standards in her life, and she acted like this was a revelation. No one ever told her that it was okay before, and the same seemed to be proven for my friend. No one ever told her it was okay to have standards within her life.
Which brings me to the point of this long and rambly post. (Sorry about that, and thanks for sticking with me up into this point.)
Here are 5 reasons why it's okay to and why you must have standards.
Standards help create boundaries
Standards prevent you from settling
Standards are not only a reminder to yourself, but are a sign to others to treat you in the manner that you want to be treated
Standards show you the lengths that those who want to be in your presence will go to be in your presence
Standards prevent you from making choices that will only hurt you in the long run.