I am a secret softee or perhaps a not so secret softee.
I define being a softee, as the experience of all of the mushy, emotional, more dramatic side of me. The side of me that watches romantic movies and doesn't watch certain movies or read certain books because they seem too sad. The side of me that only wants to read about happily ever afters.
That being said, One of the biggest descriptions for me with my identity, is the fact that at times I am a softee. Seriously, a big softee who cries at romantic movies and books, as well as hates to be yelled at. This is part of who I am, at the same time as being a part-time softee, I am a part-time badass. Who is sarcastic, doesn't take people’s stuff, and will do what I have to do to get ahead in the world. Two sides of the same coin and two sides of me that are very contradictory at times. So much so, that every now and then, I can feel ashamed of my softer side.
Especially when that soft side means getting so stressed out that I cry in a bathroom, or feeling so overwhelmed now that I am an adult crying in my office, or getting so angry, that while my mind is flinging together a string of curse words, and cussing out the world and everyone in it, the only way I can express myself is through tears.
So in the spirit of the year of 25 journey and in the idea of personal growth and acceptance, and in embracing all parts of myself, the good and bad, liked and unliked means that I have to embrace the fact that I am a secret, or perhaps a not so secret softee.
Therefore, here are my four tips for being a softee for all of you secret, not so secret softees out there.
1. Don’t try to hard to hide your softness
One of the things that I have realized over time is that hiding your soft side is one of the worst things that you can do. When you try to suppress some part of you, it's only a matter of time before it comes bursting out of the seams or leaking out of the sides. When it comes bursting out, it tends to be at one of the worst and most incontinent times for your softness to come out. All of this could have been prevented by not trying so hard to hide the softness. Besides, all of that suppression can be so much work. The weight of keeping parts of yourself down can be so heavy. It feels so much better to be free of that weight.
2. Dedicate soft time
Sometimes the softer side just needs to have some time as the dominant side. And while embracing your softer side may not be what you need in your day to day (depending on your job or school or life in general), dedicated time to be all soft can be a good thing and can act as a form of self-care.
3. Don’t beat yourself up to hard for those soft moments
Sometimes the moments in which the softness slips out and turns into what may be an embarrassing moment, the worst thing you can do is beat yourself up for it. Beating yourself up for it can only cause more pain, turmoil, and stress and nothing is worth those added emotions and feelings. The best thing you can do for yourself to let it go is to let yourself have a breather, and don’t put yourself through the emotional ringer just because you were embarrassed.
4. Embrace the soft parts of yourself
At the end of the day, one of the best things you can do for yourself when you are a secret, not so secret softee, is to embrace the soft parts of yourself. In a world that is increasingly cold and quickly turns soft mushy people into solid rocks, it can be good to still feel those parts of you, and be good for others to experience those parts of you. Embracing your soft parts, is what keeps you from being a stone, and sometimes that is just what you need to be able to make it through, grow, and rise to the challenges that life brings.